Again Jenn..what's your point. My point is...why am I SO scared to put myself out there? Well mostly it's the fear of failure...and knowing that I don't and can't compete with some of the other scrappers out there. I even got myself into a total comfort stage where I told myself that I scrap for myself...which is true...and that I don't NEED validation from anyone that my work is good enough. But heck...we are human right? That nagging thought is in the back of my mind...questionning if I'm any good at all. But everytime I hear of someone getting published or getting a new DT of this or that, I admit...the little green jealousy bug comes out. But why? I didn't apply...I didn't put myself out there. So I have no reason to be jealous or feel sorry for myself because I think I suck....because *I* didn't TRY.
Now PLEASE...this is NOT a validation post...this is just me rambling...so PLEASE do not tell me that I rock or that my layouts are always great because...that's NOT what I want to hear. I just need to write that I'm SCARED of failing...of knowing that I don't measure up. And am I alone or does anyone else out there feel/think the same thing??
And I have a theory...I think it's who you know. Some of these people who put themselves out there also get themselves aligned with the right people at the right time. My friend Tracy and I discussed this one day at GREAT detail. She was good friends with Lisa Bearnson and she asked me one day...do you want me to tell Lisa about you because...that would get you in? I immediately said....NO...if I get published I want to get published on my own. *slaps head* DUH...I just don't think it happens that way most of the time.
Anyway...so I was on sb.com last night and I did notice that it was the last day of the Rusty Pickle challenge. I did this last year and won it so I thought why not. So I completed a layout (that isn't that great) and entered it. (my Rusty Pickle supply stash is VERY low...like I had 4 pieces of paper to work with!! lol) Now how can I do little contests like this but I'm afraid of doing anything bigger? I have NO IDEA.
Okay...pity party is over. Have a happy hump day ya'll.