Wednesday, July 9, 2008

*sigh*

So if you aren't ready for a pity party post..then GO AWAY. Actually...I just want to talk about the industry for a moment. And why myself, in particular, am SO scared to put myself out there. I was blog hopping and found the announcement for the Chatterbox DT finalists. Now anyone that knows me well knows that I was a HUMONGOUS Chatterbox fan for years. My friend's mom is/was part of their test group and even arranged for me to visit their offices and Melody chatted with me for two hours!! It was so awesome. So what's my point? Well my point is...the thought of trying out crossed my mind but I dismissed it. And looking at that list I recognized lots of names...of people that put themselves out there. Two of the names I happen to know...Michelle Engel was on my DT when I was at Essence of Memories and Lea Lawson is from Missoula, MT (and she is also a SOY finalist) and linked on my sidebar.
Again Jenn..what's your point. My point is...why am I SO scared to put myself out there? Well mostly it's the fear of failure...and knowing that I don't and can't compete with some of the other scrappers out there. I even got myself into a total comfort stage where I told myself that I scrap for myself...which is true...and that I don't NEED validation from anyone that my work is good enough. But heck...we are human right? That nagging thought is in the back of my mind...questionning if I'm any good at all. But everytime I hear of someone getting published or getting a new DT of this or that, I admit...the little green jealousy bug comes out. But why? I didn't apply...I didn't put myself out there. So I have no reason to be jealous or feel sorry for myself because I think I suck....because *I* didn't TRY.

Now PLEASE...this is NOT a validation post...this is just me rambling...so PLEASE do not tell me that I rock or that my layouts are always great because...that's NOT what I want to hear. I just need to write that I'm SCARED of failing...of knowing that I don't measure up. And am I alone or does anyone else out there feel/think the same thing??

And I have a theory...I think it's who you know. Some of these people who put themselves out there also get themselves aligned with the right people at the right time. My friend Tracy and I discussed this one day at GREAT detail. She was good friends with Lisa Bearnson and she asked me one day...do you want me to tell Lisa about you because...that would get you in? I immediately said....NO...if I get published I want to get published on my own. *slaps head* DUH...I just don't think it happens that way most of the time.

Anyway...so I was on sb.com last night and I did notice that it was the last day of the Rusty Pickle challenge. I did this last year and won it so I thought why not. So I completed a layout (that isn't that great) and entered it. (my Rusty Pickle supply stash is VERY low...like I had 4 pieces of paper to work with!! lol) Now how can I do little contests like this but I'm afraid of doing anything bigger? I have NO IDEA.

Okay...pity party is over. Have a happy hump day ya'll.

4 comments:

Happay said...

Jenn,
I know what you mean about being afraid to put yourself out there. But, here's the deal. As long as you think your stuff is tha bomb, it won't matter what everyone else says. Let the manufacturers and the magazines decide if your work is right for them. And, then, don't be upset (too much because let's face it, we are all human and we all have feelings) when it doesn't go your way. So go for it girl! Submit some stuff and see what happens! I certainly did not expect to see my name on the list and now that its there I do feel a certain amount of aha! I did it and a certain amount of oh crap! what have I done! heehee

KimmyS said...

you know what?? I am actually surprised that you DIDN'T go for the CBX, because whenever I hear CBX I immediately thin of you because I know just how much you love their papers.

Anyhoo, I hear what you are saying and I do think that if YOU feel the time is right for you to put yourself out there, then you will....there must have been something subconsciously making you not enter certain competitions...dunno, maybe I am just talking crap here...LOL

Just dive right in next time - you have absolutely nothing to lose. Yeah sure, if you don't get the call you will think "why wasn't my stuff good enough" but that feeling will soon go.

Personally I LOVE the challenge of knowing that I am probably competing with around 400-500 scrappers from across the globe...it just makes my adrenalin rise when the time for "the" announcement comes closer. Am I sad or what?

I do believe you should be putting yourself out more and whilst it so true that a large number of scrappers only achieve because they know someone who holds some strings...look at all those who have managed to get on DT's without any connections! Would you really WANT to work for a company who only appoints Designers because of whom they know and not because of their talent?

Sorry I totally rambled here. I still think you would rock many calls, so put yourself forward dude!

Mindy said...

I am sorry you feel this way. I understand how you are feeling but in a different way. I do think it is worth a shot and even if you "fail" you know it is not because of you but maybe because it was not right for them.

Putting yourself out there is HARD. I am not comfortable doing that and I hate it. I get such a "yuck" feeling. I am not talking scrapping (since you know it has been forever, lol) but just life in general.

Have a better day!!

Audrey Pettit said...

Hi Jenn! Listen, I can relate, girl. It's not easy to put yourself out and face the failure. The competition out there is amazing. There are so many talented people in this field. BUT...you never know what a manufacturer, or contest holder, or magazine is looking for, and it COULD be you.